Dudjom Rinpoche was perhaps the foremost teacher of teachers in the Nyingma lineage in the Twentieth century. Respected by all.

Over twenty years ago I developed an abiding love for the Indo-Tibetan spiritual tradition known as Vajrayana Buddhism. I launched myself onto this intense path of training after first establishing myself as a Buddhist and an aspiring Bodhisattva second, de-prioritizing my worldly happiness and emotional comfort and putting my spiritual path first.

Specifically, I contemplated the Buddha’s most fundamental teachings and started to meditate. Finding them flawless, I committed to the Buddhist path and went for refuge to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. This was the first revolution inside me: seeing that I was being swept along thoughts that arose ceaselessly in my mind based on my prior karmic conditioning. I decided to change that.

This was a profound shift, and dramatic changes happened in my life as a result. I then studied the precious Bodhicitta, practiced tonglen (sending and taking.) Eventually I took the vow of the Bodhisattva, earnestly promising to return again and again to benefit all sentient beings without partiality. I shifted away from being someone who only cares about me and my people to someone who is equally concerned with the fate of scorpions, criminals, and people who are politically opposed to me. I was already a little different, but taking the Bodhisattva vow turned my priorities upside down from what they were before. It wasn’t something I did lightly.

After having studied the lives of some of the great enlightened masters of Tibet, I decided I wanted to become a disciple of a Vajrayana guru. I carefully researched the lamas now teaching, and the various schools of Tibetan Buddhism. I talked to practitioners older than I about their reputations. I knew from my readings that guru-disciple relationships were sometimes, perhaps usually, not easy. But I was one of those people who really wanted to explore my potential for spiritual awakening in-depth. I’m not someone who does things half-way.

I’m being real with you here. I am, indeed, this methodical.

After careful consideration, I requested that a lama teach me the Vajrayana. He accepted me as his disciple. Soon afterward, I received Abhisheka from him (Wang in Tibetan) a ceremony that was my gateway into Vajrayana Buddhism. Implicit in the ceremony was a commitment: I would view him as a fully awakened Buddha and never “go negative” and start judging him the way I judge other people all the time. For me, this commitment is like training wheels for the process of viewing everything as pure, and my conceptual mind as what needs changing. I’m not going to go more into that, because you can easily see that this is not a path that is appropriate for very many people. The best path for most people is to meditate and try to be a good person.

I have been very careful about my spiritual life, because it is most important to me. Some people have become swept up in Vajrayana Buddhism willy-nilly. They never learned about Buddhism, they never seriously committed to the aspiration to become a Bodhisattva. They have never even Googled the person to whom they entrusted their spiritual welfare – the guru they connected with could be Charles Manson or Shoko Asahara (Google!) for all they know. In the Himalayas, people know who the scoundrels and the good lamas are. They grew up with them.

Some people bring children to these initiations into these high-level practices intended for Bodhisattvas. I know I’m in the minority here, but I don’t think that is appropriate for our culture.

Why We Need to Be Careful Choosing Gurus

Current psychiatric thinking is that between 0.5-1% of the general population have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and most narcissists are male. About 3 percent of men and 1 percent of women are said to have Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Either type of person needs to be the center of attention. Taking on the role of a Guru would appeal to a narcissist or sociopath because it would provide that attention, as well as set up a situation in which it would be easy to gain wealth and sexual gratification without regard for the welfare of others. We want to avoid people like that like the plague. Right? Don’t be naïve.

Fortunately, the classical training for lamas was highly disciplined and boring. Narcissists and sociopaths are unlikely to have had the patience for the decades of training and meditation retreats necessary for the role. The young men viewed as destined for Buddhist teaching roles [long story] were closely supervised in their monastery or under a great lama’s direct oversight. In addition, if you read deeply into the literature, the role of Vajra Master—the guru who confers empowerment—requires actual realization. That means attainment of the first Bodhisattva level, a feat that regular rank-and-file Buddhist practitioners like me have not attained. In other words: they need to really have blessings. After that, well-educated and sopping wet with blessings, he or she can serve as a Vajrayana guru. Like the Buddha, who was perfectly content not to teach, someone needs to ask them for teachings. Out of great compassion, they relent.

Definitely look into the background and training, the years in retreat, and the endorsement of the teacher’s purported lineage before you take empowerment from anyone. Even though there are these safeguards in the Tibetan Buddhist system, it is pretty easy to do an end-run around them in this mobile era, particularly if the unqualified lama gains wealthy backers and a PR machine.

The Reward

In my opinion, there many humble, qualified and realized Vajra Masters in the world today. After all, there have been two thousand years of sincere people taking the Bodhisattva vow to return and help us. It isn’t rocket science to find them. Nor is it particularly difficult do basic vetting before entering into Vajrayana under a teacher’s guidance. Enter into the guru-disciple consciously: as a person who has already stabilized your mind with study, meditation, and contemplation.

For me, it has been fantastic training to work closely with three Tibetan lamas over the years.  Yes, there were palpable blessings and introductions to aspects of my mind that I didn’t know I had. I’ve also received immense support, inspiration, and kindness from my lamas. They corrected me when I lost my spiritual bearings. Like someone living a forest of scented trees, a bit of their kindness and patience has rubbed off on me… and all their other students.

Since my gurus are from another culture that is very different from America, there have been cultural misunderstandings and challenging times as well. Actually, if you can handle it, I suggest having a guru who is superficially very different from you. Maybe a Bernie liberal should have a conservative Republican guru and vice-versa. The bigger the gap, the more we have to stretch our idea of what “pure” and “Buddha” mean. The deal is: I see my gurus as Buddhas no matter what, and they see my Buddha nature and love me no matter what. Even if they say or do something that freaks me out, and my mind turns negative, I work it through, aiming towards viewing everything as a teaching, everything they do as altruistically motivated.

It’s a training process. That’s okay. The system of practices we do have built-in systems for purifying and re-orienting.

How would you suggest integrating Dharma into daily life, based on your own example? Especially, how to overcome the excuse of having no time?

Venerated lineage holder of the Sakya school of Tibetan Buddhism

“You have to make time. There is enough time. You work eight hours a day. Some people then say: I have no time to practice. But instead they go to a bar, sit front of the television, go to the movies, or do other things. If you really want to practice, then you have to give up those things. It is not necessary to cut yourself off from life completely, but you must slowly eliminate distraction. If you practice all the time, then your mind becomes tired. That is not so good—you lose concentration. Then you can watch a little television, read some books (not Dharma books), you can go for a walk in the forest or on the beach, or work in the garden—you can do those sorts of things. Also, if you work in a job where you do not need to talk, you can recite mantras while you are working. At work, or when I do my house duties, I recite a lot of prayers; sometimes I do mantras, sometimes I sing Tibetan songs.”

–Jetsün Kushok Chimey Luding

from Cho Yang, Norbulinka Institute, 1996, page 99

“As much as possible, I attempt to step toward my distress rather than turn away at the first whiff of discomfort. A better way to put it might be to turn toward, rather than immediately turn away from, distress—turn toward, then take a good look. It’s clear that responses are often governed by habits that have carved a path over time, and we can develop a habit of turning away from—or rushing toward—distress.”

Setsuan Gaelyn Godwin, the abbot of the Houston Zen Center

From Buddhadharma, the practitioner’s quarterly, Winter 2016, p. 22

Once upon a time, after having been told by a monk that she could not attain complete awakening as a woman, Princess Wisdom Moon made the following vow:

There are many who wish to gain enlightenment in a man’s form, and there are but few who wish to work for the welfare of living beings in a female form. Therefore may I, in a female body, work for the welfare of beings right until samsara has been emptied.

Thus was the intention that gave birth to the Bodhisattva Arya Tara.